Cowardice
by TragicStoryteller666
Summary: The outcome of Bill's confession to Tom. Warning: Twincest!


Bill isn't like the other boys. He would rather watch sports then actually play it, would rather do his hair and prop up his make-up then get the number of the girl who has never let her eyes off of him. Everyone says he isn't and well, he is well aware of this fact. Bill was aware of this ever since he was 13 years old. His twin was the first one that sensed that Bill wasn't going to turn out like him or the other boys at their school. Bill was special thus making him just Bill.

Tom, his twin, at first found it awkward when Bill started substituting his regular fitting shirts or big shirts for these tiny, tight fitting shirts and applied make up on his pale face and wore his semi-long hair into spikes with a long bang covering his left eye. Tom had to admit that he was quite embarrassed when their mother drove them to school that morning and all the kids were staring at them, well, more like Bill. Bill and Tom were popular amongst the girls and most boys in school. Tom was considered really cool for having dreads at such a young age and Bill was just cool because he was Tom's twin. He was considered cool by the girls because Bill was always kind and generous.

The boys at school would always invite Tom to skateboard and Bill would just tag along. He never tried to actually skateboard. Some girls would come along and watch with googily eyes at Tom as he became overheated with the sun and took off his shirt. Some girls would just come along to chat with Bill. Bill, although, loud, hyper, fun, and emotional, he was very kept to himself. Tom learned this when they were 15 and them two had gotten into a serious fight. Chairs, tables, lamps were involved in it too. Tom had said something and well, Bill just didn't like it, or approved of it; Tom couldn't remember what the fight was about but he knew that Bill didn't speak to him for almost two weeks! When they made up and Tom asked what the fight was about, Bill just shrugged him off with a 'forget about it' and left it like that.

No one had ever really cracked into that shell of Bill's. Bill never opened up completely to anybody, not even his twin. Bill vowed that he never will for Bill had a dark secret that he wish he could just go to sleep and forget about that secret as if he never had it. A forbidden love, love like no other, a shameful love, and censored love. One that people nowadays call "incest". Bill was in love with his twin and he hated it with a passion as strong as the passion he had with that same exact love for his twin. Bill poured all his heart into his lyrics, make up, hair, and alcohol. Oh yes, Bill had found his resolution: alcohol.

Bill would go with Tom to a club or tavern and would disappear within the crowd. Although, Bill drank (and he _drank_) he had found a way to get drunk and not spill everything in his head, even with a high influence of alcohol. Perhaps a person who has held a secret for a long time can keep them anytime, anywhere. Eventually, Tom would help him back to his hotel room and take care of him the next day when he was moody with a hangover and a splitting headache. This was there routine: go to a tavern together, Bill disappears and reappears extremely drunk, Tom helps him back to his hotel room and then takes care of him the next day.

Then, one day, one dreadful day, Bill had had enough. He let out those shameful seven words. Bill remembered the look on his brother's face when he said them. At first Tom chuckled and laid it off as a joke, then, when he saw that Bill was serious he got serious as well. Tom stood in front of the door and tighten his fists. Tom didn't even look at Bill. He just opened the door and left. That night, for the first time, Bill went to the tavern by himself. He drank and drank himself away. Bill didn't make it to his hotel room because he decided to be taken by any of the men there to their homes and do whatever they wanted to him. Sometimes Bill would show up at his hotel room with bruises on his wrists from the tight bondage some men had on him, other times he would just simply have love bites, and then, he would have as far as a broken lip, a black eye, and terrible bruises all over his body. But every time these events took place the only thing Bill could think of were those words, "_I love you more than a brother."_

Seven years had passed since that incident with his brother. Seven years of running away. Tom had been running away for seven long years. Bill had disappeared from the face of the earth. Tom tried finding Bill about seven months ago and still had no luck. Tom hated himself for how he reacted. Of course it was weird, it was wrong, it was incest, but Bill was still his brother. Tom could have helped him out of his supposed "love more than a brother" phase, but he didn't. Tom just ran away. He explained it to his mother when Bill didn't show up for two straight months without a phone call, email, or letter. His mother was upset about the incest part but she was even more upset about the fact that Bill had disappeared.

Now, Tom knows that by 26 years old, a man should live on his own, especially with Tom's pension but Tom felt the need to stay with his mother for she was the only one he had to cling onto. Simone didn't mind at all and neither did his stepfather, Gordon, didn't mind either.

Tom took a trip, suggested by his parents, to Amsterdam, Holland. He needed to clear his head. Since his flight was delayed and when he got to Amsterdam it was night already, he decided to stay at a hostel and hang out at the whore house. Tom entered the brothel and was greeted with the scent of sex, weed, cigarettes and cigars, and mixed perfumes and alcohol. Tom sat all the way in the back. A tall, skinny girl with a black mop for hair sat on his lap and giggled in his ear.

"I can make it so good for you, just ask anyone and everyone here and just because you're a foreigner I'll let you have me for the whole night for free." Tom recognized that voice, he tried to look at the whore in the face but it was too dark where he chose to sit. "Whadda ya'say?" Tom looked at the outfit the other person was wearing and was surprised to see that the person was wearing tight leather jeans with a ripped shirt that revealed a star tattoo on their hip. Tom gasped and took the whore by the hand and led them to the bathroom. When nobody was around, Tom turned the whore around and was greeted with what he had been fearing just a few minutes ago. Bill worked at a brothel, was filthy, drunk, and had terrible bruises on his neck. Tom took off Bill shirt and saw that Bill had other bruises on his torso and back reaching all the way to his hips.

Tom took Bill by the hand and led him out of the brothel. Tom was disgusted by the fact that almost everyone in the brothel knew Bill, called out to him, whistled, and even managed to spank him on the way out. Luckily, Bill was extremely drunk and didn't pull away. When they got to the room (which they were luckily not sharing with anybody else) Tom stripped Bill to his boxers and laid him on the bed. Tom wanted to kill himself for letting his baby brother go through all of this. His ankles were bruised of bondage and his thighs had disgusting love bites. Bill was getting up to arouse his customer but Tom laid him back down.

"Go to sleep," Tom said. Bill obeyed out of sheer exhaustion. Tom looked over Bill's body covered in all those bruises. Tom choked back a sob. This was the outcome of his cowardice. Tom had an inner argument with himself. Should he go into the bathroom in the hall and shower and risk Bill waking up and leaving or staying here and waiting until Bill woke up? The latter sounded more pleasing. Tom ended up falling asleep on the other bunk.

The next morning Tom woke up with a start, afraid that Bill had woken up and left. Luckily, Bill was still asleep. Tom woke up and walked over to the window to shut the binds. Bill shuffled in his sleep and slowly woke up. Bill thought he was at the brothel so he started talking, "Emma, how did I do last night?" Bill ran his hand through his hair and turned his head and sucked in a deep breath when he saw his brother. Tom froze. He turned around slowly and when the twins locked eyes with each other Bill jumped up and searched for his clothes. Tom immediately grabbed his wrist, cautiously remembering the bruises, and gently but surely threw him on the bed. Tom bunched up Bill's clothes and put them in his suitcase next to him. Bill saw this and ran to the door, not caring that he was going to run out in boxers.

"Bill!" He froze in the hallway. He hated him but more importantly, Bill hated himself for responding to his voice. Bill slowly turned around and faced his brother. Tom's guilt grew tremendously at the sight of his younger brother, bruised, pale, skinnier, and huddling himself like a lost child in the mountains on a snowy day with no form of warmth or comfort.

"Bill," Tom said softly and walked up to Bill. Bill couldn't get his eyes off of Tom and his hate towards his own being grew immensely. "I'm sorry." Bill snapped out of his trance and pushed Tom away from him.

"Don't say it!" Bill screamed as he fell to his knees and covered his ears. Tom was scared. He kneeled in front of Bill and attempted to pry his arms away from his ears.

"Bill!" Bill again screamed to stop but Tom continued on saying his name. Bill finally snapped and punched Tom in the face. Tom was dazed by the punch and when he came back to reality Bill had ran full speed into a window and fell four stories. Tom immediately ran outside and called an ambulance. He called his parents and they took the first flight to Amsterdam. After three hours in the waiting room, the doctor came out at the same time Simone and Gordon were entering the hospital. The doctor asked to speak to all of them.

"He would've survived but a shard of glass cut right through his veins and well, he bled to death, internal bleeding if I may say," the doctor said. Tom saw his world come crashing down at full speed. "But even if young Kaulitz had survived, I don't think he would've lived for long."

"Why?" Gordon asked as he held a weeping mother in his arms.

"Well, he had a series of diseases. He had bronchitis, tuberculosis, and last but not least, AIDS." Tom fell to his knees. His baby brother had such a tragic downfall that led to his death and it was all because of him.

Later that day, they held a ceremony for Bill and had him cremated. Tom told Simone and Gordon what Bill did for a living and how terrible he looked for Tom was the only one allowed in the cremation room. Tom later found a small note Bill had in his pocket. It was wrinkly and it look like it had been meant to be sent out but Bill didn't send it. It said, "_To Tom"._ And in it, it read: _Crimson Scarlet or ruby red, now my story has been said. To the love I did and did not have, to the love I dreamt and never shed. I am sorry, Tomi, but if you are reading this we have probably already seen each other and it made my choice all the more easier because at least the last person I saw before I carried this out was you._

_P.S. Tell mum and Gordon I love them and please don't blame yourself._


End file.
